Marriage has an important significance in every society. In African societies, there are three marriage ceremonies, traditional, court and white. The traditional marriage is the most important of all three. It’s not just a celebration of unbinding love between two individuals – it’s the creation of a deep union between two families and communities.
Before the celebration of most traditional marriages, the groom’s family must present the bride’s family with goods, as requested by the elders in her clan. Money, property, shoes, clothes, food, jewelry, electronics and other accessories are examples of some of these goods. They often vary, depending on each family.
As an individual who was raised in a home centered around culture, I fully understand the importance of traditional practices. However, I have struggled with grasping the reasoning behind some of these practices. I recall having a conversation with a friend about the process of traditional marriage. She once told her mom that she was not interested in receiving a bride price. She is all for having a traditional wedding, but refuses to participate in a ceremony that she feels is unnecessary. Her mom was certainly not pleased with her request. In fact, she informed her that it wasn’t a decision that lied in her hands. It had already been decided for her the moment she was born. While I do see where her mother is coming from, I don’t think she should be forced to adhere to a custom that doesn’t apply to her as an individual. If anything, it should be a choice.
Personally, I want to have a traditional wedding because I want to celebrate my culture. But I do not agree with some of the details associated with having a traditional marriage. I am on the fence about my family demanding a bride price. I am just not sure where I stand on that particular issue. I am more induced by the celebratory and cultural aspect of a traditional marriage. Afterall, isn’t that what truly matters?
I fully get the symbolism behind receiving a bride price. It is a practice that has been in place for centuries. However, is it still relevant to our society? I know that this statement will probably give every tribal chief a panic attack, but it is a valid question. Everytime I think of the bride price, I remember the song “Matata Ya Mwasi Na Mobali Esila Te (Marital Problems Will Never End)”, where Franco Luambo sings, “soki na keyi ko traiter ba affaire, nazongi na lingi na pema, akomi ko tuna nga, ozalaki wapi? O uti wapi? Ba lobaki boye — mwasi na bala na mosolo, nani a pesi ye authorisation a tuna nga epayi na uti?” He is pretty much saying that a woman he married (paid for) is not authorized to ask him any questions regarding his whereabouts. It is a reminder that I am being purchased by someone.
In 2004, activists from Nigeria, Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Senegal, Ghana, Rwanda and South Africa gathered in Kampala for the International Bride Price Conference to discuss ways of eliminating its practice in Africa. Quite frankly, I don’t think it is a good idea to get rid of it completely. I simply think that people should not be forced to participate. It should be optional.
A single African country can have anywhere from five to two hundred tribes, and each tribe carries its own customs. With so many rituals in place, individuals who come from the same country, but belong to different tribes, are not encouraged to marry. This is not a progressive way of thinking. If these traditions aren’t creating unified sense of belonging, why are Africans still holding on to them?
Scandal Actress, Kerry Washington, recently had a child with a Nigerian man. Due to her husband’s tradition, they had to wait eight days before naming their child. In his culture, a child is named in an official naming ceremony a week after birth. During a conversation with a Nigerian friend, I mentioned that story, and he had no idea such a tradition ever existed. According to him, these things vary from tribe to tribe. This is an issue found throughout the entire continent. Each tribe or ethnic group holds on to its own customs and refuses to welcome or appreciate those found in other regions.
For many Africans, the rise of inter-tribe and inter-Africa marriages is a sign that tribal disputes have ended. That’s like saying, inter-religion marriages have ended religious wars and disputes. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Tribal fighting is still an ongoing problem in Africa. Africans are still committing atrocious acts of violence towards one another due to tribal differences. A friend of mine once said that Africans are always complaining about how badly they were treated by Europeans, but refuse to acknowledge the fact that they are doing the same thing to each other.
Inter-tribe and inter-Africa marriages are becoming more popular due to Western influence. Most Western societies encourage cultural diversity and tolerance. Africans who have been exposed to it tend to become more open. The average African, living within the borders of Africa, would prefer to marry a person from their tribe. In fact, they have zero interest in knowing what goes on in other regions.
South Africa was listed as one of the world’s most multilingual countries. The average South African can speak or understand all of the country’s main languages. This is a great strategy towards creating a sense of unity and belonging within its frontier. It is a fantastic way of promoting cultural diversity.
In conclusion, before we start advocating for a “united Africa”, let’s first encourage a “united Congo”, “united Nigeria”, “united Sudan” and so forth. Africans love culture. That is what makes our continent so beautiful. However, it’s very difficult to genuinely appreciate the culture when it is playing key role in dividing our people. Africans hold traditional practices very close to their hearts, as they have been passed on from generation to generation. Change is not something most of us are quick to accept, but if we are working towards a unified and progressive Africa, accepting cultural diversity and tolerance is the right way forward. / by CongoleseQueen
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Before the celebration of most traditional marriages, the groom’s family must present the bride’s family with goods, as requested by the elders in her clan. Money, property, shoes, clothes, food, jewelry, electronics and other accessories are examples of some of these goods. They often vary, depending on each family.
As an individual who was raised in a home centered around culture, I fully understand the importance of traditional practices. However, I have struggled with grasping the reasoning behind some of these practices. I recall having a conversation with a friend about the process of traditional marriage. She once told her mom that she was not interested in receiving a bride price. She is all for having a traditional wedding, but refuses to participate in a ceremony that she feels is unnecessary. Her mom was certainly not pleased with her request. In fact, she informed her that it wasn’t a decision that lied in her hands. It had already been decided for her the moment she was born. While I do see where her mother is coming from, I don’t think she should be forced to adhere to a custom that doesn’t apply to her as an individual. If anything, it should be a choice.
Personally, I want to have a traditional wedding because I want to celebrate my culture. But I do not agree with some of the details associated with having a traditional marriage. I am on the fence about my family demanding a bride price. I am just not sure where I stand on that particular issue. I am more induced by the celebratory and cultural aspect of a traditional marriage. Afterall, isn’t that what truly matters?
I fully get the symbolism behind receiving a bride price. It is a practice that has been in place for centuries. However, is it still relevant to our society? I know that this statement will probably give every tribal chief a panic attack, but it is a valid question. Everytime I think of the bride price, I remember the song “Matata Ya Mwasi Na Mobali Esila Te (Marital Problems Will Never End)”, where Franco Luambo sings, “soki na keyi ko traiter ba affaire, nazongi na lingi na pema, akomi ko tuna nga, ozalaki wapi? O uti wapi? Ba lobaki boye — mwasi na bala na mosolo, nani a pesi ye authorisation a tuna nga epayi na uti?” He is pretty much saying that a woman he married (paid for) is not authorized to ask him any questions regarding his whereabouts. It is a reminder that I am being purchased by someone.
In 2004, activists from Nigeria, Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Senegal, Ghana, Rwanda and South Africa gathered in Kampala for the International Bride Price Conference to discuss ways of eliminating its practice in Africa. Quite frankly, I don’t think it is a good idea to get rid of it completely. I simply think that people should not be forced to participate. It should be optional.
A single African country can have anywhere from five to two hundred tribes, and each tribe carries its own customs. With so many rituals in place, individuals who come from the same country, but belong to different tribes, are not encouraged to marry. This is not a progressive way of thinking. If these traditions aren’t creating unified sense of belonging, why are Africans still holding on to them?
Scandal Actress, Kerry Washington, recently had a child with a Nigerian man. Due to her husband’s tradition, they had to wait eight days before naming their child. In his culture, a child is named in an official naming ceremony a week after birth. During a conversation with a Nigerian friend, I mentioned that story, and he had no idea such a tradition ever existed. According to him, these things vary from tribe to tribe. This is an issue found throughout the entire continent. Each tribe or ethnic group holds on to its own customs and refuses to welcome or appreciate those found in other regions.
For many Africans, the rise of inter-tribe and inter-Africa marriages is a sign that tribal disputes have ended. That’s like saying, inter-religion marriages have ended religious wars and disputes. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Tribal fighting is still an ongoing problem in Africa. Africans are still committing atrocious acts of violence towards one another due to tribal differences. A friend of mine once said that Africans are always complaining about how badly they were treated by Europeans, but refuse to acknowledge the fact that they are doing the same thing to each other.
Inter-tribe and inter-Africa marriages are becoming more popular due to Western influence. Most Western societies encourage cultural diversity and tolerance. Africans who have been exposed to it tend to become more open. The average African, living within the borders of Africa, would prefer to marry a person from their tribe. In fact, they have zero interest in knowing what goes on in other regions.
South Africa was listed as one of the world’s most multilingual countries. The average South African can speak or understand all of the country’s main languages. This is a great strategy towards creating a sense of unity and belonging within its frontier. It is a fantastic way of promoting cultural diversity.
In conclusion, before we start advocating for a “united Africa”, let’s first encourage a “united Congo”, “united Nigeria”, “united Sudan” and so forth. Africans love culture. That is what makes our continent so beautiful. However, it’s very difficult to genuinely appreciate the culture when it is playing key role in dividing our people. Africans hold traditional practices very close to their hearts, as they have been passed on from generation to generation. Change is not something most of us are quick to accept, but if we are working towards a unified and progressive Africa, accepting cultural diversity and tolerance is the right way forward. / by CongoleseQueen
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Be Social: We are glad you liked the post; please share it with your massive and beautiful network of friend on Fb, twitter, google+... Thanks! | facebook/bonaafrica | www.fb/botswanainfo and www.fb.com/sportsmonitor.